One of my biggest pet peeves is when someone blames their behavior on their personality. They say things like, "Well, it's just the way I am." or "I can't help it, it's my personality." or "I've always been this way." What people really mean is..."get used to me like this, cause I can't change."
Sorrowfully I admit I caught myself sounding like this. I was being challenged to change and instead of humbly listening, the phrases above were the words going through my head. It was not pretty. It was devastating. This was not the first time this challenge had been put before me, but I felt this overwhelming desire for it to be the last.
Thankfully, God was in control and had been working on my behalf even before I knew it. I was scheduled on worship team for the next day and had been learning a song that I was to lead the congregation in. I woke up that morning feeling very hopeless. How could I possibly become different? How could I? I've tried before, but have always gone back to old habits and tendencies.
During rehearsal we sang the song I had been learning. It was just for me. As I sang the words, they became alive in me and truth began to breathe hope....Living Hope....into my heart.
We cannot change by ourselves, in our own strength. But Christ, our Living Hope, resides inside of us. When we invite His presence to overwhelm our hearts, we begin the process of change and stop believing the lie that "it's just who I am, and I can't change."
Out of His presence comes the power to make decisions of how to act, how to respond, how to think, how to be the way God is asking us to be. He never calls us to change without first offering us Himself. My journey will take some time. It won't happen overnight. But like never before, I feel hopeful that I really can become different than what I am right now. Only because of Him, only because of Him.
The song God used to speak to me so clearly is called Holy Spirit by Bryan and Katie Torwalt. Be blessed by it. You can listen to it here.